Could do better

Again, inspired by SOM. Thank you Celeste Frazier!

For most of my elementary and junior high school daze, my report cards almost always said, “Could do better.” I accepted that, because it always seemed to me doing well in school was a trade-off, there was always something better to do than study, a habit which has persisted. It’s kind of like that now with applying the spiritual ideas and feelings I’m growing to love, in my day-to-day, minute-to-minute life. I could do better, but get distracted, big time, by all the fun positive and nasty negative physical experiences.

Intellectually, I know the fun positive experiences come from the same source as the nasty negative experiences –the inner guide/teacher I choose to identify with. With spirit, experiences tend to be fun and positive, reflecting that reality, really, the only reality. With ego, I still can have positive fun experiences, but they’re not as rich, but mostly, I have nasty negative ones. I’m wanting to learn to use the experiences I have as feedback about who I’ve chosen to be with inside. Then, without blaming, judging and beating myself up, if the experience isn’t what I want, simply choose the other guide. There are only two, you know, two guides, and I’m always with one or the other, spirit or ego.

I want spirit to be my constant internal reference point and take the externals simply as feedback, not judgments, punishments or rewards. When I’m inner aware and focused on spirit, and do not require a particular outcome to manifest, fear has no identifiable entry point. I want to really feel what Terry Cole-Whittaker said about relying on outside outcomes, “What you think of me is none of my business.”

I want my focus to be on what spirit thinks through me, on my intuitive awareness feeling and insight – which, with its omniscient omnipresence is always the best for all concerned. Right now, I know that the purpose of my life is to reveal God as completely as possible. Will I know that five minutes, or five hours from now, or when it takes 20 minutes to bring breakfast, as it did this morning? Probably not; could do better.