Soul Guidance and "Charlie the Chooser"

According to the Course and most metaphysical/mystical traditions both East and West, what I’m experiencing, and always experience, is the difficulty of choice, of choosing between the ego and spirit. Even tho, deep down, I know I’m always with spirit and gradually awakening to my reality as spirit, choosing is an on-going, difficult process and I often lose my way. Even tho I attribute my vision of a compassionate, inclusive world that works for everyone, to spirit, if I were to see clearly, I’d have to admit that my deep investment in that vision is of the ego, not of spirit. Uh! Ow! – that hurts. The ‘investment’ part is ego, the needing it to be true, the feeling exposed, naked and vulnerable part if it isn’t happening, is ego, but the inspiration and the vision itself are of spirit.

Spirit is never exposed, naked and vulnerable; so if I’m feeling those things, I’m not with spirit and need to choose again. I’ve got to take the conditions that horrify and terrorize me as an ego, more lightly. I’ve tot to see it’s not about fixing the conditions my ego judges to be so fierce and terrible, it’s about understanding that I see them that way because I’ve chosen to identify with ego and then, realizing that, choose again to identify with spirit and from there work to change the conditions I fear and am uncomfortable with.

Both ego and spirit are there in my mind, not my physical brain, but my mind - the wholeness of spirit that I and you, truly am. A big part of the process is to forgive myself – look without judgment, guilt or blame, for having chosen the ego, the illusion of reality as a substitute for reality - the never-ending, unconditional Love of God.

What is it that is choosing between ego and spirit? Ken Wapnick of the Course calls it ‘Charlie the Chooser.’ I think of it as the soul, the essence of us that can never be extinguished, that which is eternal, has never been born and will never die. When I fully appreciate this idea of eternity and of eternally moving toward my reality as spirit, I can take a deep breath and relax and take my current experiences which seem so heavy and life and death, more lightly. I can appreciate their importance, but also realize there’s more. The soul uses all experiences to move us toward enlightenment, oneness and connection, regardless of our human judgments of good or bad. I want to be aware of this broader context for my life in the light of eternity and be grateful for every experience, whether the ego labels it bad or good, as an opportunity to lighten-up, choose spirit and act in the world from that place.